THE NIGERIAN WOMAN AND THE CLEAR CUT CASE OF STIGMATIZATION

The world, they say, is a man's world and I think it applies only to the Nigerian people. I sit back and observe things that go on around me and the society I'm in and shake my head, its sad, very sad. No wonder we are backward and civilization is very far from us. We try so hard to be western, act like the westerners, dress like them, talk like them, and try to live like them but mehn!!!! we are far from what it is and have a long way to go.
With stuff I've experienced personally and things happening around me, I guess I've slowly become a feminist. Let me go back to my topic and avoid diversions, why is it that men get away with 98.99% of what our culture forbids when they go against it and women punished for 98.99% of the same offence even at times when they were misjudged or innocent????
Kamdi dated Collins for 7 years and their relationship bloomed with love and respect or so did Kamdi think. She is from a humble normal Nigeria family and Collins was a little bit above the Nigerian middle class. He felt it was the right time for them to get married, went to her dad asked for Kamdi's hand in marriage and then proposed.
Time to meet his family, she prepared a good speech composed herself very well, tried to look good and rehearsed possible questions by herself in the mirror and gave herself answers. You all are familiar with the momma's boy and only son syndrome that disturbs most Nigerian mums and their sons. Collins had this syndrome but never really showed it to Kamdi but of course, why should he?? They were all that mattered to themselves.
Finally, the day came along and the panel she faced consisting of his parents was very tough. She almost changed her mind but he kept assuring her things were ok and he can handle it.
Wedding plans came along and it was tough too but she tried to handle it and it came and went then kasala burst. His mum moved in, monitored her every actions and moves, never saw anything good in what she did. Made her son refuse her from having a social life and working, hit her in his absence and scolded her too much. Kamdi endured and being from a strict Nigerian home had to keep her sanity. One fateful day, he watched his mum do all she was good at doing to his wife, scolded his mum and asked her to leave. Trust typical Nigerian families blaming his act on voodoo, juju and kobnomi. One day, while he was away, they went to his house and threw her out empty handed. Went straight to her family to break the marriage and collect back the bride price.
Collins came back and was summoned by her family and by his actions Kamdi almost died. He had obviously given in to his family's pressure and said to her "I've known my family all my life and you just 9 years, you will find someone else". She almost died within and when her family asked for his reason, Collins didn't have anything concrete to give.
2 years later, Collins remarries his family friend and moves on quickly and Kamdi was totally stigmatized. Most men she met and something serious seemed to be on the line, she opens up about her failed marriage and they end it with her saying "I can't be in a relationship with someone who was once married" at some point it became music to her ears. It's not like she did anything wrong to deserve what she got or she doesn't have what it takes to be a wife, one man even told her he thought she was too nice and her niceness made her seem weak that's why he can't be with her and left her.
This is one of many examples. We are so backward. Nobody cared to ask her what went wrong or even try to find out from neutral people or get to know her better. I keep watching this girl and pray she hasn't given up in love cos she's one person I know that's a true believer of love and radiates it. I hope she finds that man that sees her for who she is.
A man can walk away from a relationship or marriage and get into 29 more without being asked what happened in previous ones even if he was wrong. Please lets wake up and stop thinking like..... I don't even know the word to use......
Hope this helps..... Ciao!!!!
 

RANDOM NOTE

random thought that just went through my head: when it comes to relationships/marriage for our generation, i think our parents' method rocked. they met themselves as random people from friendship grew respect then from respect grew marriage then loyalty then love and it lasted thru the years. then it comes to us, love, friendship, marriage, loyalty then respect and we battle to keep our marriages intact and for some people till death do them part. meeting a total stranger and falling in love with the person seems like a difficult task but try it, it might just work out for u. ciao!!

INSPIRED POST

Remember how one says "WHEN YOU COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS, YOU COUNT YOUR MOTHER TWICE???". I've decided to count my misdemeanors as blessings.
Really, life throws a whole lot of junk and rubbish at you and withstanding and accepting them truly defines you and tells how strong a person you are.

I had gotten to that point where I had given up on a lot of stuff, I had given up on the fact that good things existed, I had given up on love, I had given up on myself. I was a definition of the word 'given up'. At some point, I got up and prayed, prayed without hope, prayed and not believing any positive thing will come out of it, Then BBBBOOOOMMMMMM 2014 came into being. Good things started flooding my way, HOPE found me, DIVINE HOPE in this case and once I opened my heart, good things, all good things began to come my way.

It all boils down to one thing, no matter what you go through, have a little faith, the tiniest of faith can do wonders. Its not the end of the world, no one is destined to always experience bad stuff. Bad things will come and shake you up a little but in the end, you will smile, you will have plenty reasons to smile again.

I've never been this happy till hopeband peace came along. It was  my open door to all good things. Just EXPLORE!!!

RANDOM NOTES

Today marks one year since I started this thing called blogging and booooooyyyyy have I been lazy. Anyways, Nigerians are known to apportion blames to others even if they are wrong so I'm being a good Nigerian and apportioning the blame to the crappy networks we have here. I woke up this morning sad cos of Madiba's passing. He was a good man. I wish our future leaders would learn from him cos saying present leaders is a waste of time and saliva. Anyways, I'm recommending music for you guys today; Real and True - Future ft Miley Cyrus.

Do have a blessed day Y'all

LIFE

Most times, I look around me, look at the things that happen around me and wonder if this life is really worth it. At the same time, we are expected to appreciate it, adore it, live it to the fullest even if we aren't guaranteed the next split second.
I love my life, I really appreciate life and give God glory in all. I appreciate my trials n tribulations and tend to grow stronger n learn from my everyday experiences. I really give thanks especially for the gift of life. Ko easy!!!!!
I have learned to appreciate others, I am still learning to live right, to help who I can, to do what I can, to speak when I need to and to speak for those who can't get a voice and are being oppressed and to be at peace with GOD because we never can tell.
In all LIFE IS SHORT. We might might know or have people in their 80's, 90's, 100's but or forefathers lived longer. It is short!!!! Get the best while it lasts cos we all have a reason to be here.

The Masculine Gender

 

MEN : A gender I admire so much. People I think us women can't do without but I keep asking myself why they are so complicated. They just do so many unusual stuff and I keep wondering if they think before they act.

 

   They are a blessed and wonderful people and honestly they try very well. They do the hustling, pay the bills, get into fights just to ensure all that they love isn't harmed and all what not and through all this they still look for a way to mess things up and make us think if they are even worth the stress.

 

    I'm one lady who's surrounded  by men; my dad, my brothers, my nephews, cousins and of course my best friend(lol, weird that my bff's a guy ryt?) and I just sit and compare their actions and figure out what they do and why they do what they do. YES!!!!!! They are complicated. YES!!!!! they are annoying and trust me with them, I've come to prove not all men are the same.

 

    Amongst all these men, I'm closest to my bestie then my dad and people think its weird when they see us together and they just keep saying they don't think its right for the opposite sex to be friends let alone bestfriend but he's someone I admire so much and someone I've learned from a lot and he's made me understand quite well what goes through the mind of men (don't worry future boyfie, I will love u scatter). These people suffer a lot, they go through 'hell' tryna make ends meet, tryna keep their relationships together(since we all know that they are polygamous in nature) and many things.

 

     I don't even know what I'm writing or going to write but all in all, I feel they should be respected and appreciated and we shld learn to tolerate their flaws and help them through their difficult times n correct when we think their stupid.

 

 

#idontevenunderstandmyself

 

THE THING CALLED MARRIAGE

I had to use caps for my header cos my people ehn, I don't understand what's going on with our generation as regards marriage. I look at some of my friends display pics and personal messages and see "50 years today, u were joined together at the altar, happy wedding anniversary mum and dad" or "happy wedding anniversary mum and dad" and when I ask how many years the person answers 30years. Now, this week you'll see "Happy married life Amara and Obi, God bless your union" and three weeks later, you'll see Amara on the road or in a restaurant an ask, "Amara, how far na? How's hubby?" and Amara keeps a gloomy face and she just says "he's fine" and finally bursts out crying. We are separated, I really can't say what happened and I'm like "Oh wow, so sorry dear, it is well". Two weeks later, you'll see Chidozie, "what's up bro, how's wifey and your child?" He answers "she's back in her parents house, I got tired of her joo, always nagging" wow!!!!!
I honestly am scared, what's happening? Why can't we just keep a relationship na? What is it? Are we cursed? I can't begin to imagine.
Let me use my parents as an example, My dad and Mum should have been married for 26years this year but my mum's late. Well I look back at their relationship and keep praying I have one like dat. My mum had an accident some years back and she suffered from memory loss for 9 years before she died but in that 9 years, my dad proved his love for her. she basically couldn't do anything so he bathed her, helped her brush her teeth, cleaned her up, fed her and loved her through it all before she finally departed this earth. I always look at them then and smile cos my dad was so patient with her. Some men would have quickly gone to remarry and forgotten all the vows they made at the altar.
Please, anyone who's  not ready to go through the phase of marriage shouldn't even start it at all. I don't understand why there are failed marriages everywhere.
I really am tired for us, we can actually make it work. Some men decide to end up with a girl cos she's cute n would uplift his social status and girls would like to end up with a guy cos he's rich n she thinks he can give her all the best things in life forgetting that some men will just marry you and dump you at home as wife cos maybe he married you cos of some sort of pressure from his family to get married and then continue with his dealings and lifestyle.
So people, please don't be in a hurry to get married, think through it and choose your partner wisely cos Marriage is a lifetime covenant and shouldn't be toyed with. *big smile*