The world, they say, is a man's world and I think it applies only to the Nigerian people. I sit back and observe things that go on around me and the society I'm in and shake my head, its sad, very sad. No wonder we are backward and civilization is very far from us. We try so hard to be western, act like the westerners, dress like them, talk like them, and try to live like them but mehn!!!! we are far from what it is and have a long way to go.
With stuff I've experienced personally and things happening around me, I guess I've slowly become a feminist. Let me go back to my topic and avoid diversions, why is it that men get away with 98.99% of what our culture forbids when they go against it and women punished for 98.99% of the same offence even at times when they were misjudged or innocent????
Kamdi dated Collins for 7 years and their relationship bloomed with love and respect or so did Kamdi think. She is from a humble normal Nigeria family and Collins was a little bit above the Nigerian middle class. He felt it was the right time for them to get married, went to her dad asked for Kamdi's hand in marriage and then proposed.
Time to meet his family, she prepared a good speech composed herself very well, tried to look good and rehearsed possible questions by herself in the mirror and gave herself answers. You all are familiar with the momma's boy and only son syndrome that disturbs most Nigerian mums and their sons. Collins had this syndrome but never really showed it to Kamdi but of course, why should he?? They were all that mattered to themselves.
Finally, the day came along and the panel she faced consisting of his parents was very tough. She almost changed her mind but he kept assuring her things were ok and he can handle it.
Wedding plans came along and it was tough too but she tried to handle it and it came and went then kasala burst. His mum moved in, monitored her every actions and moves, never saw anything good in what she did. Made her son refuse her from having a social life and working, hit her in his absence and scolded her too much. Kamdi endured and being from a strict Nigerian home had to keep her sanity. One fateful day, he watched his mum do all she was good at doing to his wife, scolded his mum and asked her to leave. Trust typical Nigerian families blaming his act on voodoo, juju and kobnomi. One day, while he was away, they went to his house and threw her out empty handed. Went straight to her family to break the marriage and collect back the bride price.
Collins came back and was summoned by her family and by his actions Kamdi almost died. He had obviously given in to his family's pressure and said to her "I've known my family all my life and you just 9 years, you will find someone else". She almost died within and when her family asked for his reason, Collins didn't have anything concrete to give.
2 years later, Collins remarries his family friend and moves on quickly and Kamdi was totally stigmatized. Most men she met and something serious seemed to be on the line, she opens up about her failed marriage and they end it with her saying "I can't be in a relationship with someone who was once married" at some point it became music to her ears. It's not like she did anything wrong to deserve what she got or she doesn't have what it takes to be a wife, one man even told her he thought she was too nice and her niceness made her seem weak that's why he can't be with her and left her.
This is one of many examples. We are so backward. Nobody cared to ask her what went wrong or even try to find out from neutral people or get to know her better. I keep watching this girl and pray she hasn't given up in love cos she's one person I know that's a true believer of love and radiates it. I hope she finds that man that sees her for who she is.
A man can walk away from a relationship or marriage and get into 29 more without being asked what happened in previous ones even if he was wrong. Please lets wake up and stop thinking like..... I don't even know the word to use......
Hope this helps..... Ciao!!!!
